Self Esteem, Two Angry Karkats, and Distant Moons
by Enchiridion88
Summary: Private wakes to spend an average Saturday morning talking to a dear friend and fighting off not one, but two angry bullies... One-Shot teaser for an upcoming six-way crossover.


**AN: KIND OF IMPORTANT**

Hello again everyone.

This was an idea I've had in my head for a while: a Five (or six) way Cross-over! Regular Show, Adventure Time, Penguins of Madagascar, and Chowder all mixed in one giant cross-over with Homestuck! (with a potential sixth fandom).

When the grand story finally comes out, it'll be labeled in the Homestuck x Misc. Cartoons category because of how many fandoms it will bridge. However, very few people would see/read that (at least very few from the crowds I am attracting)

So this is the **_third_** of a series of Five one-shot "teasers" that establish the characters and entice the readers' interests. The first was Regular Show and the second was Adventure Time, both of which I suggest you read as well.

Enjoy!

* * *

The sun rises over the horizon of an already bustling New York City. This begs the question on why everything needs to open with a giant sun metaphor. "Oh look at how artistically I can start mornings." Not to the surprise of the reader, it is a Saturday, which has been covered twice already. With the redundancies and formalities out of the way, the focus shifts to a certain group of elite penguins in the Central Park Zoo. If you don't know who they are, then you are either very very lost or not very bright. If the first is true, please move along to your Twilight fanfiction. If not, then there's no reason to leave.

The alarm bell buzzed with vibrato, deafening the entire HQ. It shook the concrete headquarters on earthquake sized scale. Skipper was the first to wake up as he sprung onto his feet straight out of bed. His team was slow to follow.

"Alright men, up and at 'em!" he called sternly.

"Auuuuggghhh," Rico groaned.

"But Skippah, I don't want to," Private weakly sassed.

Kowalski lay wide eyed, staring at the ceiling of his bunk. "I can't feel spine. I don't know if I slept or not."

"What's with all the sissy talk?! It's time for morning drills!"

"But Skippah, today's Saturday," Private complained.

"So?"

"The Saturday before Easter to be exact-dear-einstein-almighty-I-can't-feel-my-fingers," Kowalski rambled out.

"Because you don't have any fingers, Kowalski. Come on now, this is silly!"

"Please, Skippah!" Private looked with glistening, pleading eyes, "The zoo's closed and we're all tired from yesterday. Pleeeeeease?"

"Alr - "

"PLEEEEEEEASSSSEEE"

"ALRIGHT!" He sighed and pinched the bridge of his beak, "You all have the day off. But I don't want to see any of you in bed all day!"

"Auuuuggghhhh," came the three others.

"At least try to make an effort to go outside."

"AAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!"

Skipper opened the hatch and went top side. Private took a little longer to wake himself up before finally climbing out of the HQ into the Central Park Zoo. It was Saturday after all, and that gave Private the freedom to be as mellow and relaxed as he wanted.

While the other animals were meandering about their daily habits, Private hid away to a cluster of bushes on the far end of the Zoo, well away from anyone else. No one knew anything particularly significant about the shrubs, other than for our cute, stupid penguin. He uncovered his laptop from its hiding spot. He found this almost a month ago when he was outside the zoo watching a short meteor shower. There was a loud explosion nearby. And sure enough, the laptop lay in pristine condition in the center of the smoldering crater.

Private was able to navigate it by using the speak-n-spell. Oddly enough, this laptop was not only his size, but had a voice recognition software for penguins. It was as if this was tailor made for him. It sometimes made him feel special, like he was even _more_ of a secret agent. He was part of his own club, that only he and his internet friends were part of. It filled him with a sort of childlike giddiness and playful anxiety.

However, Private didn't think of any of this. He just blindly opened his computer and opened the Pesterchum app. This came pre-installed on the laptop.

Using the Speak-N-Spell, he was able to traverse through the layout before coming across the list of online friends. He smiled. He didn't need to read to recognize this special friend.

**lunacornDreamer ****[LD] began trolling adiosToreador **

LD: Hey! :D

AT: oH HEY pRIVATE, }:D

AT: hOW DID YOU START CHATTING WITH ME, i THOUGHT YOU GUYS COULDN'T SEE US,

LD: Oh, I saved your name thingy when we first talked. It said you were on the line.

LD: It seems like you're always on the line. :?

AT: rEALLY,

LD: _Hmm-hmm_, yes. :)

LD: At least I think so. The little green circle-y means on, right?

AT: nO, uH. i MEAN, YOU SAVED MY NAME,

LD: Yeah. :)

LD: You're pretty fun to talk to toejam :)

This warrants a cringe from the little penguin. Of course, the voice recorder automatically corrected it to toejam. Private can't type, nor does he want to aside from putting in little smiley faces. He can't read to begin with. But these are one of the few exceptions he has to try.

LD: *T aV r iS

LD: *T evros

LD: *TAVROS

AT: wOW,

AT: nO ONE EVER SAVES MY NAME, wELL EXCEPT FOR CS

AT: eVEN IN THE GAME, pEOPLE DON'T LIKE ME,

AT: aT LEAST, i DON'T THINK,

LD: Well, maybe they just haven't talked to you yet!

LD: You're a great listener.

AT: tHAT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME,

AT: }:D

It takes time with every post for Private to type each phrase into the speak-n-spell. Yet, he doesn't mind for Tavros, and neither did he it seems.

Tavros did, in retrospect, seem to come on a little strong with his emotions. Private still did not know what to think about him. He enjoyed talking to him and was always glad to make someone happy, so he could overlook that.

LD: Aw, :)

Private still didn't realize how strong his own emotions were with everyone else though...

AT: pRIVATE,

AT: dO YOU THINK WE'LL EVER MEET,

AT: lIKE, FACE TO FACE?

Private didn't know what to say. It was impossible. It had to be.

LD: Shore!

He hated lying.

LD: I like to think we'll meet someday. :)

AT: }:D

AT: sO,,, uH,,, hOW IS IT GOING?

LD: Oh, same as usual.

AT: tHAT'S GOOD,,,

LD: Yep. But my fli-ARMS.

LD: Are feeling really sore.

AT: }:( aWW, hOW COME?

LD: Well yesterday we went on a super secret mission!

AT: rEALLY? tHAT SOUNDS A LITTLE DANGEROUS,

LD: Oh it wasn't that bad. They're always super fun and Skippah took us to get snow cones at the end.

AT: wHAT DID YOU DO?

LD: Well, it is a secret. ;)

AT: oH YEAH,,, UH,,, i,,, wELL,,, tHE ONLY THING i DID CLOSE TO THAT WAS ROLE PLAY WITH SOMEONE i KNOW

LD: Oh, well that sounds fun?

AT: tHEY USED TO BE,,, bUT NOW i DON'T LIKE IT ANYMORE,

AT: mY FRIEND ALWAYS TAKES IT TOO SERIOUSLY,,, aND IT'S A LITTLE SCARY,

LD: Oh well that doesn't sound very fun! What did your friend do?

AT: uHM, MAYBE LATER,,, i DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT,

LD: Uhm, don't mind me asking but wot's role play?

AT: iT'S LIKE PRETEND

LD: OH! That sounds like it could be fun!

LD: What do you do when you-uhm-role play?

AT: wE USUALLY PLAY SOME KIND OF GAME,

AT: bUT, uH, AFTER LAST TIME i JUST PLAY ALONE,

AT: sHE SAYS IT'S SAFER THAT WAY, aND SHE SAID i'M DOING EVERYONE A FAVOR,

AT: bY NOT BEING AROUND THEM,

AT: wHICH IS UNDERSTANDABLE, i GUESS i'M A BAD rp-ER,

LD: Oh dear... Tape rope, that sounds awful! Your friend sounds horrible!

LD: *TAVROS

AT: oH, iT'S OKAY, eVERYONE WINS THIS WAY,

LD: Oh, can't you just, uhm, stand up to her? I know it's scary, and I hate it, but sometimes you have to.

AT: i WANT TO, bUT THEN i GET SCARED AND i DON'T KNOW HOW i FEEL ABOUT HER,

LD: :(

LD: Princess Self Respecta always says to believe in yourself, and anything is possible.

LD: :O

LD: Oh do ignore that please, oh dear oh dear oh dear.

AT: wHAT, uH, iS IT? wHAT'S WRONG?

LD: N-Nothing, really!

AT: wHO'S, UH, pRINCESS sELF rESPECTA? yOU GUYS HAVE PRINCESSES?

LD: N-no...

AT: iS THAT YOUR RP? iT'S, uH, iT'S COOL i GUESS?

LD: N-no, she's... she's just a character off of some dumb TV show.

LD: Oh dear, this is a little embarrassing. I'm sorry.

AT: i'M CONFUSED,

LD: There's this show I like but it's for little kids and my friends look down on me for it. I don't know why I keep bringing it up. It's really embarrassing.

AT: oH, dON'T BE SORRY, i THINK IT'S COOL,

AT: iF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, aND IT WILL BECAUSE IT'S STUPID AND FOR LITTLE GRUBS, i'LL TELL YOU MY rp,

LD: Uh, shore.

AT: i KIND OF REALLY LIKE FAIRIES, aND i KNOW THEY'RE NOT REAL, bUT i LIKE TO THINK THEY ARE,

AT: aND i rp AS pUPA pAN, aND, uH, iT'S A LITTLE STUPID,

LD: You mean like Peter Pan?

AT: wHAT? nO, i DON'T THINK, uNLESS THAT'S THE EARTH VERSION,

AT: aND MY, uH, mY SELF ESTEEM'S NAME IS RUFIO, aND i LIKE TO PRETEND THAT HE'S BETTER AND STRONGER AND SMARTER THAN ME,

LD: Aww, Tavros...

LD: _He-he_ I got it that time! :D

LD: But I don't think that's stupid at all! I think it's really sweet.

AT: yOU REALLY THINK SO?

LD: _Hehe_, well I mean that's coming from little old private, but I don't see why your friend says that.

AT: yOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON i MET WHO THINKS THAT, wELL, bESIDES ac

LD: You mean Nepeta?

AT: yEAH, BUT i JUST DON'T KNOW ABOUT HER,

LD: Oh.

Just then the little chat request button pops up saying that there is a new conversation waiting to be had. Private lets out a disappointed sigh.

LD: Someone is trying to talk to me. I think I have to go.

LD: I'm sorry :(

AT: wAIT!

AT: dO YOU THINK, mAYBE, uH, sOMETIME WE COULD, mAYBE, iF YOU DON'T THINK IT IS STUPID,,,

AT: rOLE pLAY TOGETHER?

This time, Private wasn't lying.

LD: I'd love to!

AT: }:D

LD: :D

LD: Anyway, I have to go. It was lovely talking to you Texas!

LD: *TAVROS

**lunacorn****Dreamer** **[LD] ceased trolling adiosToreador **

That was wonderful.

Private left the digital chatroom smiling. He felt his spirits soaring. Private simply adored talking to his "troll" companion. He couldn't help but feel this little giddiness in his stomach when they talked.

He was in such a super mood that nothing could break it.

Absolute nothing.

Not even ironic lead ins.

Hey! The conversation popped up!

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened a memo with lunacorn****Dreamer**** [LD]**

Oh dear, nevermind.

CG: HEY DUMBASS!

LD: :O

LD: That's horrible and mean and rotten!

LD: Why do you keep trying to talk to me?

CG: NO! DON'T GO! WE NEED TO TALK! I'M SO SORRY FOR EVERYTHING, REALLY!

LD: W-wot?

CG: I'M SORRY YOUR GROGGY, SORRY ASS GETS WRECKED IN THE MEDIUM.

CG: BECAUSE THAT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, THOUGH YOU STILL ACT LIKE AN OBLIVIOUS IGNORAMUS WHO JUST WAS LIVING AS CUCKOLD HIS ENTIRE LIFE.

LD: Why are you saying all of this?! It's so mean and nasty and horrible!

CG: I'M HERE TO APOLOGIZE! HELLO?! DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME?

LD: What are you apologizing for?

CG: I'M APOLOGIZING FOR HOW I TREATED YOU. WELL, HOW I TREATED YOU FROM MY STAND POINT. I'M APOLOGIZING FOR PAST KARKAT'S ACTIONS. HE'S AN INSATIABLE PRICK AND A DUMBASS.

LD: Wot?

CG: HERE, I'LL TELL YOU IT FORMALLY. I FORGOT YOU ARE STILL UNFORGIVABLY STUPID, THOUGH VERY COMPETENT.

LD: Hey!

CG: AHEM.

CG: I KARKAT, WHO IS PRESENTLY SPEAKING NOW, DO FORMALLY APOLOGIZE FOR PAST KARKAT'S ACTIONS IN YOUR FUTURE. ALTHOUGH I AM NOT PAST KARKAT AND THERE'S NO REASON I SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING, I APOLOGIZE FOR HIS ACTIONS THAT YOU WILL ENCOUNTER SOON.

CG: ANY ACTIONS BY PAST KARKAT SHOULD NOT BE HELD LIABLE TO ME, PRESENT KARKAT. BECAUSE HE IS A TOOL AND AN ASSHOLE. NEITHER SHOULD ANYTHING BY FUTURE KARKAT, WHO IS EQUALLY IDIOTIC.

LD: Slow down!

CG: OH, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU CAN'T READ AND HAVE THE THOUGHT PROCESS OF A FERMENTED HOOFBEAST EQUIUS JACKS OFF TO.

LD: What are you talking about?!

LD: Are you yelling at yourself or at me?!

LD: I don't know wot's going on!

LD: D:

CG: NO, DON'T BE UPSET. I'M NOT THE ASSHOLE KARKAT, HE'S THE ASSHOLE KARKAT. PAST KARKAT. NOT ME.

CG: YOU'RE GETTING MAD AT SOMEONE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!

LD: I don't understand what you mean! How are you angry at yourself and then acting like it's not you?!

**PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 6 HOURS IN THE PAST OF CG opened memo on board TRYING_TO_CONSOLE_THE_FRUITY_ONE**

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] has been renamed to PRESENT carcinoGeneticist [PCG]**

PCG: OH GREAT! THIS IDIOT! I REMEMBER THIS NOW!

PCG: I CAME HEAR TO TROLL THE LITTLE FAGGOT ONE AND GUESS WHAT I FIND?! IDIOT FUTURE ME TOSSING UP A ROYAL SHIT STORM GETTING DOWN AND GROVELING FOR WHAT I, OR "WE" HAVE RIGHTFULLY DONE!

PCG: WELL DUMBASS, GUESS WHAT?! YOU'RE A TWAT WHO WANTS ONLY TO SHIT ON EVERYTHING WE'RE TRYING TO DO!

PCG: AND WE BOTH HAVE THE SAME NAME NOW!

PCG: WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?!

PCG: CHANGE IT!

PCG: NO, ASSHOLE, YOU CHANGE IT!

PCG: WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT?

PCG: I WAS HERE FIRST YOU UNLOVEABLE CUMSTAIN FAILURE WHO EVERYONE AGREES IS AWFUL AND EVERYONE WOULD BE HAPPY IF YOU JUST UP AND DIED!

PCG: RIGBY EVEN SAID SO.

PCG: STRAIGHT IN YOUR DAMNED SMUG FACE YOU LITTLE SHIT!

LD: Wot is going on?!

Private, through his frustration and shaking from fear, embarrassment, and growing sadness, was typing furiously at the speak and spell trying to keep up.

LD: Slow down, please!

PCG: I FORGOT! THAT'S WHY I'M HERE!

**PRESENT carcinoGeneticist [PCG] has been renamed to FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG]**

FCG: THERE! ARE YOU HAPPY?

FCG: IS EVERYONE HAPPY NOW?!

FCG: CAUSE I AM! I AM SO GODDAMN HAPPY I COULD ACTUALLY SMILE! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?!

PCG: ANYWAY, PRIVATE, I CAME TO TELL YOU TO SAVE YOURSELF THE TROUBLE AND KILL YOURSELF NOW!

LD: D,:

LD: W-why would you say something like that?! That's horrible!

FCG: HEY! YOU TAKE THAT BACK! PRIVATE IS A GREAT PLAYER!

FCG: HE'S BETTER THAN HALF OF THE SHITS ON OUR TEAM!

PCG: NO, THAT'S WHERE I DRAW A LINE IN THE "THINGS THAT ARE COMPLETELY AUTISTIC ASININE SAND" AND SAY YOU ARE WRONG.

PCG: PRIVATE IS AN IDIOT AND ALMOST GETS EVERYONE HE COMES INTO CONTACT WITH KILLED.

FCG: WELL YEAH, THAT'S TRUE. BUT HE GETS BETTER.

LD: SLOW DOWN!

FCG: HE GETS LESS CRINGE-WORTHY TO TALK TO AND IS PRETTY NICE.

PCG: NO. HE'S USELESS AND SERVES ONLY AS THE "CUTE", LOW PIXEL CLIPART THAT ON THE SHITTASTIC AND HORRIBLY CROPPED JPEG THAT IS TEAM EARTH.

FCG: OKAY, YOU ARE A BULGE SUCKER, BUT THAT WAS A PRETTY GOOD ANALOGY.

FCG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I MADE THAT UP.

PCG: I KNOW, IT WAS PRETTY GOOD.

LD: EVERYONE STOP!

Private was almost screaming at this point. After that outburst, he had to self consciously tone his voice down to avoid an unwanted attention. He didn't even notice his eyes beginning to water.

LD: I-I-I don't know how this is happening or who you two are or wot is going on but it needs to stop!

LD: You can't make fun of people like that! It's not right! No one I know is that mean!

LD: I don't know who you're yelling at or if this is just a cruel joke?!

LD: :'(

PCG: NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. THIS IS ALL AN ELABORATE TROLL.

FCG: WHAT?!

PCG: IT'S JUST ME AND THE OTHER ONE IS ME AGAIN TO MESS WITH YOU AND GIVE YOU FAKE SELF ESTEEM.

FCG: OH JEGUS NO! NO, THAT IS NOT WHAT'S HAPPENING!

PCG: YES THAT IS WHAT'S HAPPENING! SEE? I TOLD YOU.

PCG: BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS, PRIVATE, THAT NO ONE LIKES YOU! YOU'RE ONLY GOOD AT GETTING IN THE WAY!

LD: No, you're lying!

LD: You have to be!

LD: You're mean and and and a bully and a, uhm, not nice person!

PCG: YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!

FCG: NO, THAT'S A LIE!

PCG: HAH! SEE?! TROLLING SO HARD RIGHT NOW!

FCG: NO! PRIVATE GETS INSANELY POWERFUL AND ACTUALLY PRETTY BADASS!

PCG: NO HE DOESN'T! HE CAN'T EVEN STICK UP TO YOU OR ME! HE'S JUST HIDING BEHIND BLAND INSULTS!

PCG: "YOU'RE MEAN!"

PCG: OH THAT HITS ME SO HARD! I JUST WANT TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE INTO A SEA OF BLUE BLOODED MEN READY WITH BULGES SPREAD WIDE WITH THE ONLOOKING CROWD SO STUPEFIED THAT THEIR EYES MELT OFF THEIR FACES!

LD: Stop that!

FCG: NO! PRIVATE IS GREAT!

FCG: THE BEST THING HE COULD EVER DO WAS DIE SO EVERYONE ELSE COULD MOVE ON WITH THE GAME!

LD: How could you?!

Private wiped the tears streaming down his cheeks.

FCG: OH, FUCK I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!

FCG: :0

PCG: :0

LD: D':

LD: Karkat, you're absolutely te-t-t-terrible! B-Both of you!

FCG: WAIT DON'T GO!

**lunacorn****Dreamer**** [LD] ceased responding to memo.**

FCG: SEE WHAT YOU DO?!

**FCG banned PCG from responding to memo.**

**FCG banned himself from responding to memo.**

Private was in the process of already crying uncontrollably. Ina very un-Pupa Pan like fashion, he didn't try to fight his tears or his sobs. He just let himself become a quivering little grub. You wouldn't know what a grub is.

However, Private was certainly going to do something about his crying. He was going to cheer himself up! And by that, he means he's going to get _other_ people to cheer him up for him!

Yay self esteem!

**\- lunacorn****Dreamer ****[LD] began pestering radicalWrestler [RW] at 8:39 -**

LD: Rigby, are you there?

LD: Rigby?

LD: ?

RW: Woah, I'm here. Where's the fire?

LD: I'm not feeling very chippah right now :(

RW: What's wrong little dude?

LD: It's that one troll meany.

RW: Oh my god what did he do...

LD: He-He said all these horrible things and he swore a lot and made fun of me.

LD: There was two of him and they kept fighting me and between each other and making fun of me.

LD: Hello?

LD: Rigby, are you there? :'(

RW: Oh, yeah Private, I'm here.

RW: Sorry, lost my train of thought.

RW: What all did he say?

LD: He said I was better off killing myself.

LD: And the no one likes me.

LD: Both of them did.

RW: Holy heck dude, I am so sorry to hear about that.

LD: :'(

RW: So wait, there were two of them?

LD: A-huh

RW: And they were both making fun of you?

LD: :(

RW: Oh I'm sorry you had to put of with those losers.

RW: Dude, I just got done talking to him actually. Are you sure it was him?

LD: He's CG right?

RW: Yeah, okay.

RW: Now that just makes me mad.

RW: RIGBY MAD! o/\o

RW: (That's my mad face btw)

LD: Oh

RW: I'll be sure to throw some serious slams his way next time he tries to talk to me.

RW: Make him be all, "Oh no, these slams are too hard bro!'

RW: Hehehehe

LD: Heh?

RW: Anyway, dude, don't listen to him.

RW: You know he's just a dufus with a loud mouth. Everything he says is stupid and dumb.

LD: I know, but it still hurts. :(

RW: Well...

RW: Hmm...

RW: I'm not the best at this, but I can say that no one I know wants you gone bro.

LD: I know, but...

LD: Sometimes I feel like my friends would care less...

LD: I mean my real ones...

RW: Dude, I would care!

LD: You would?

RW: Yeah! I would be totes sad!

LD: T-Totes?

RW: Totes my goats!

RW: Oh crap.

LD: ?

RW: My friend wants to take me out to the coffee shop.

RW: It's sort of last minute, and he can be a bit of a jerk.

LD: Oh

RW: You start feeling better, okay buddy?

LD: Okay.

LD: Thanks Rigby.

RW: B) (those are my shades)

RW: See ya!

**\- radicalWrestler [RW] ceased pestering lunacorn****Dreamer**** [LD] at 8:47 -**

Private sat there alone staring at his screen for a few moments.

Why did he say that? It just sort of blurted out. He knew his friends cared about him. So why did he just throw them on the back burner?

What Rigby said was nice. But it wasn't very helpful. His eyes were still a little watery and he got a somewhat bad headache from all of this.

He might as well talk to another one of his friends. He could always try Jake.

**\- lunacorn****Dreamer [LD]**** started pestering SandwichSnackhead [SS] at 8:50 -**

LL: Hey?

LL: Jake, you there?

LL: Jake?

LL: Oh, I guess you're busy then.

LL: I'm sorry for bugging you. :(

**\- lunacorn****Dreamer**** [LD] ceased pestering SandwichSnackhead [SS] at 8:52 -**

SS: nah dude im right here

SS: i was throwing down some sick rhymes with pg

SS: private?

SS: aauuuugghhh

This made Private feel even worse. Jake, with 100% certainty, would have been able to make Private feel better. But, of course, Jake had to ruin it by not existing.

Oh pooh.

Private was starting to feel even worse. Maybe he could talk back to Tavros?

**lunacorn****Dreamer** **[LD] began trolling adiosToreador **

LD: Hey, Tennis?

LD: Whatevah.

AT: oH, hEY pRIVATE,

AT: wHAT'S UP?

LD: It's the meany troll.

AT: kARKAT?

LD: :(

AT: oH, hE'S ONE OF MY GOOD FRIENDS,

LD: How?! He's so mean and bossy and horrible and, just...

AT: yEAH, hE IS, bUT YOU NEED TO GET PAST THAT IS ALL,

AT: hE CAN BE PRETTY NICE SOMETIMES, dEPENDING ON WHEN YOU TALK TO HIM,

AT: hE IS OUR LEADER, aFTERALL,

LD: That doesn't help

AT: tELL YOU WHAT, wHAT IF WE rOLE pLAYED?

AT: wOULD THAT HELP?

LD: :)

LD: That might actually.

AT: uHHH,

AT: oH SHIT,

LD: What? What is it?

LD: ?

AT: Ahaha, okay, I can't stand another word of this vomit.

AT: This is so lame, even for little Pupa Pan...

LD: Uhm, T-Tav rose?

AT: Wrong 8ird 8rain!

AT: I can't 8elieve you losers actually TALK to each other!

AT: It's like you were 8oth made for each other.

AT: I thought we were supposed to troll them, Tavros,

AT: Not treat them like m8sprites!

AT: Awwwwwwww, 8ut you two are kind of adora8le in a shitty, miserable kind of way.

LD: Hey, T-Tangerines friend!

LD: You should stop and just leave him alone!

AT: Nah, you wouldn't understand.

AT: Anyway, catch ya l8er Private Parts

AT: Ahahahahahahahaha

AT: ;;;;)

**adiosToreador **** began trolling **lunacorn****Dreamer** **[LD]****

Private sat there with his beak still agape.

What happened to Tavros? Who was that weird 8 chick? Why does she keep hurting her own friend?

Oh, if only Private was a little more tough. Then he could really stand up for himself and for others! But now, he's just, well... Private.

Now the small young penguin sat alone, staring at the open Pesterchum window. He certainly didn't feel any better than before.

Today was the day off for the zoo and there was no pressing need for him to go anywhere. He didn't even feel the energy to sit up from his spot on the grass surrounded by concealing hedges. He lay back on the grass, slightly defeated with how things had gone.

What a crappy day...

He stared up at the changing clouds against the clear blue sky. They formed and broke apart as they slumbered across the horizons.

Private lost track of how long he had been staring at them, but it was beginning to relax him. Something about staring at the clouds just put him at ease. He even saw clouds in his dreams. And sometimes, he would see things in them.

Dreams...

What wonderful things.

Speaking of which, he was feeling pretty tired. Maybe a quick nap couldn't hurt.

His eyes slowly closed as he began to feel his weight drift away.

* * *

He awoke back in his golden bed with a bright smile on his face. He wore his shiny, golden armor as always. It was surprisingly soft and flexible, especially for someone with his...size...

He looked around his second home. It was exactly as he left it. The floor layout was exactly like the habitat from the zoo, yet clad in a sheen of bright yellow metal. Instead of layered bunks in the wall, there was a single queen sized bed. The TV, however, was still functioning. Private never bothered with it though. Why would he when he can just watch TV at home? This place was so much more exciting!

He was so lucky! Everyone has scary dreams, or dreams they don't remember, or sometimes no dreams at all. Private, on the other hand, just had one, giant dream that never ended. Whenever he slept at home, he would wake up here.

Private giggled as he sat up from his bed. This was such a welcome change of pace from the yelling and the name calling from before. He looked out the ovular windows at the world outside.

What he did next was the always best part of his dream.

Private floated up from the ground, and soared out the window. He flew out of the monumentally tall tower that was his home to be greeted by five other towers near his. He had gone in the others a few times. They were rooms just like his, but different.

Private floated down to the streets of the Golden, distant moon of Prospit. Overhead, Skaia lay beckoning with its bright light, deep blue, and hidden dangers and destinies...

* * *

So there's One-Shot number three. Jeez that was long! I think the actual story is going to be a lot shorter - chapter wise. I was originally planning to have some Private and Nepeta conversation, but it would have dragged this on much longer than it should.

Anyway, what did you think? Any thoughts, predictions, or criticisms?

I demand Private-Tavros fanart. This chapter alone has convinced me. Hell, there isn't any Penguins/Homestuck fanart to begin with!

Originally Tavros was going to be of marginal importance, but not after this. Dear lord those two are absolutely adorable together. It's an onslaught of cuteness and awkward shyness. I'm not implying in a romantic way, I mean just in general. What do you think of those two? Or the double Karkat power hour?

Two One-Shots left!


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